My husband and I have had a year and a half with no physical intimacy.

When my libido tanked, I couldn't even pretend to be interested in touch anymore.

On top of that, I lost feeling in my clitoris and was so dry that it hurt to wipe myself after the washroom.

No amount of lube helps.

“What you’re experiencing is common after menopause,” my gynecologist said gently.

“And it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. And it doesn’t mean this part of your life is over.”

She pulled out her chair, that familiar squeak of medical office furniture… and leaned in close.

“Let me show you what’s happening.”

She drew three simple circles.

“First, your moisture and tissue change. You produce less natural lubrication, and the tissue can become drier, thinner, and less supple. That’s why sex can suddenly feel rough, raw, or uncomfortable even with lube.”

“Second, your vaginal flora changes. The healthy bacteria that help keep things fresh and balanced can decline after menopause. That’s why some women notice odor, irritation, or that ‘off’ feeling.”

“And third,” she said, tapping the last circle, “your body starts remembering the discomfort.”

“What do you mean?”

“When intimacy feels uncomfortable enough times, your body learns to brace before anything even happens. You tense up. You avoid it. And after a while, it can feel like your desire is gone.”

“So this isn’t just low libido?”

She shook her head.

“Not always. Sometimes comfort has to come back first.”